A Powerful Voice

“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.” 1 John 5:14-15

Think back to a time in life where you had something to say. It could be in school when the teacher asked a tough question and you had a profound answer. Or maybe a conversation with a parent or a partner where something you never thought they would consider, they heard you out. Maybe you were being racially profiled, or encountering a chauvinist at work, or were wrongly accused of something and this time instead of just taking it, you decided to speak up, and you were heard.

There’s something special about being confident in our own voices. In knowing that we are heard. I’ve always been a literary buff, and my favorite quote comes from Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness. When I read it as a high schooler, the story was intense and intriguing but it gave me the best gift: Very well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice, too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced. Oh, it explained me so well! It meant that there was power in what I had to say! Good, bad, ugly, I didn’t have to bite my tongue just because everyone didn’t agree with me! I didn’t have to be a people pleaser! I didn’t have to say the right thing every time! If only the rest of the world agreed with me, because I definitely don’t feel like that all the time.

I struggle with feeling heard. For all I’m loud and forceful and “confident,” there are many times that I feel my voice is misunderstood and often ignored. I feel like my words are falling on deaf ears and that my feelings aren’t being valued in a situation. This might be confusing for some, because didn’t I just say I’m so glad to have found power in my voice? Let me explain. I’ve never been afraid of the sound of my own voice. I just have an affinity for not being quiet when I feel there is something that needs to be said. Sometimes that gets me labeled as a know-it-all, a loud mouth, or someone who just loves to her herself talk, and I’ve grown to accept those labels, even though they aren’t true. Those labels are what make me anxious about speaking up. Anxiety rears it’s ugly head and makes me self conscious when it’s time to speak, because I never know how my speech is going to be received. For as powerful as I know my voice can be, I never want anyone to think I’m using it for evil instead of good.

Growing up I had to learn tact, because like all small children, speaking up and out should be done a certain way. You don’t have to say EVERYTHING that comes to your mind, and the one my parents drilled into me: it’s not what you say, but how you say it. It’s been an interesting 30 something year long journey of figuring that out, and I’d be lying if I said I always get it right. When I’m Angry, or Sad, and most definitely when I’m Anxious, the words don’t always come out right. I mix things up, I say things that hurt people, and I’m sure my family and friends have given up on the conversation because they don’t see a way to “win” or more accurately make me back down. They don’t feel heard. Crazy thing about it, when I’m acting and reacting that way, it’s because of the same thing.

That can’t possibly be true, though, can it? I can’t possibly be being ignored by the people who I love the most, right? If I’m talking to them, they hear what I have to say and respect it, and take me into consideration. And on the flip side, don’t my loved ones know that I care about what they’re saying? Can’t they see that I’m trying to listen and I want to understand, but I want them to know what I mean, too? Sometimes. It’s a hard reality to face, but we are human, and try as we might to scream or whisper our desires and concerns, there are times when people just aren’t listening.

One of the key things that’s observed when covering effective communication is how people listen to respond and not to understand. As humans we get caught up in our own emotions and when we can’t control our own, its very hard to try and handle someone else’s. So when we feel attacked, or misunderstood, or rejected, we stop trying to understand what the other person is saying and focus on being understood ourselves. We try to make our voices louder, because we can’t afford to be minimized. We can’t afford for our loved ones, or anyone, not to listen to us.

This is one of the BEST things about therapy: Someone who is paid to listen! One of the main reasons people go to therapy is to have someone who’s not going to judge them to listen to them. Of course, it’s not as simple as that. Your therapist is also there to be objective, supportive, critical, and empowering, but all of that starts with listening. And they don’t just listen to your words. They listen to your silence as well. And to your body language. As a good therapist learns you, they make it really hard to hide who you really are from them. And when you can no longer hide from them, it’s impossible to hide from yourself. When you’re not hiding from yourself, you can realize the power of your own voice.

God gives us reassurance of that as well! He is ALWAYS listening, even when we are afraid to speak on what He already knows about us. Just like with family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers, we try to hide our true feelings from God and don’t want to ask for things because we’re afraid of the answer. We’re afraid of the rejection, that same rejection we feel when someone misunderstands our words. But God tells us that He will never leave us nor forsake us and we can ask Him anything we want! A lot of people limit that to material things, but we can literally ask Him for ANYTHING. Peace of mind, love in our home, the ability to talk to others the right way, and the confidence to speak and be heard. And as long as it falls in line with His plan for our lives, we can have it! So why not ask? Be Confident in the power of your voice.

I will leave you with this, words have power, your voice has power, but there are also consequences (good or evil) for using that power for good or evil. You cannot say things that hurt, and expect not to be hurt. You also cannot expect everyone to want to hear what you have to say each time. Choose your words wisely, and always use tact when communicating with people. Like I said before, we’re human and humans are subject to their emotions. If you hurt someone’s feelings, expect them to act like it. Because their voice has power as well. Use your power for good, and good will come to you.