Loyalty Complex

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

As I sit here writing this I’m thinking of all the things that I have to do tonight, tomorrow, and the day after. I think about the consequences of not finishing before the credits roll on the movie playing to my left. I think about who will be most hurt if everything isn’t perfect. Deep down I know that it’s me, but the glaring faces that I’m afraid of letting down do not belong to myself: they belong to everyone else.Too often I find myself so concerned with the wellbeing and happiness of others that I get lost. I lose sleep, focus and energy because I have to make sure everyone else is alright.

Why do I do that? Loyalty. Loyalty is a simple thing, defined as a strong feeling of support or allegiance. I am a very loyal person, and I find it hard to walk away from things because I can’t help but wonder… what’s going to happen if I stop? What will happen to that friend if I stop checking up on her all the time? What will happen to that organization/club if I don’t give them my best efforts? What will happen to that office that’s falling apart if I stop holding it together? Loyalty can sometimes be more than just a strong feeling of support or allegiance. It is often companioned with Guilt… and that guilt can be crippling.

I know I can’t be the only person who does this. I know there are others out there who are putting just as much energy into making sure that other people are loved and cared for, that they forget to love and care for themselves. Don’t get me wrong. It takes a special kind of person to care more about others than themselves. The bible commands us to care for each other. And I’m happy to do it. But does that really mean we’re supposed to completely forget about self? Is it wrong to love self?

It is not. We NEED to love ourselves in order to show love to others. The bible tells us to “love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Matthew 22:39) When I first was introduced to this scripture and the concept of loving my neighbor as myself, it was always paired with treating others the way I wanted to be treated. Caring for the lost, the elderly, the sick, the shut in, the widowed, the parentless. I was taught (and I know others have been taught as well) that it’s selfish to think about yourself when there are so many others in need. But there is a component that is often missing from that lesson: how can you love your neighbor properly if you don’t love yourself?

The only way to love your neighbor the way you love yourself is to first love yourself. Loving yourself means taking the time to eat right, drink water, exercise, take mental breaks, and setting the right boundaries. Those boundaries have to exist or the work you’re doing will consume you alive. Boundaries at work. Boundaries at school. Boundaries with friends. Boundaries with family. Knowing how to say no. Knowing when to walk away. The bible talks to us about the work that we do, and the truth behind our motives. It says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22) It’s good to do right by others, to show loyalty. But if you aren’t happy when you do it (which is good medicine, being happy while you work) it will crush your spirit, and dry you out.

God did not make us to be loyal creatures with no happiness. He loves a cheerful giver. If you can’t be cheerful doing it, maybe you need to find some other way to give back to Him and His people. Your sacrifice means so much more when you’re happy about making it. So the next time you think about doing something, and the only reason you’re doing it is out of Guilt and Loyalty, remember this: Guilty Loyalty will keep you from loving yourself the way you need to be loved, and the only way to best love your neighbor is to love yourself first. Show yourself some Loyalty.