Trigger Happy

“May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus. Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 15:5-6

This week was a rough one for me. I had to deal with a situation I’ve never faced before and it left me making decisions day to day. Now, to know me is to know that I have an appointment book, a planner, multiple alerts on my phone, and regular to-do-lists for my day. I do not function well when there is no plan. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to adjust if the plan goes wrong, but when there is no plan? My eye starts twitching. And this time, the plan was not up to me, I was the mercy of the powers that be and they simply refused to actually make a plan… at least that’s how it came across to me. Why? Because they failed to communicate. Because I didn’t know what their plan of action was, I could not create my own in response to that plan. And the result? I was IRKED. Everyone who talked to me over the past 7 days felt a little bit of that Irkedness because my biggest pet peeve is lack of communication.

What’s your pet peeve? Maybe it’s the toilet seat being left up, or someone not returning your call, or when someone doesn’t consider your feelings before the speak to you. Whatever your pet peeve is, if you’re anything like me, you probably put up with it as long as you can stand and let that thing Annoy you to the point of Anger when you explode. Now last week we talked about Anger and how it responds in the place of another emotion and that’s the same thing that happens with our pet peeves. We’re never Angry first, usually we’re Annoyed and when Annoyed doesn’t know how to properly respond to the situation, Anger comes flying through to put a stop to whatever is bothering us. When something is annoying, it presses on our patience, our understanding, and our ability to tolerate things. Its inconvenient and uncomfortable. It simply doesn’t feel good. And since Sadness rarely makes something annoying stop, Anger gives its best effort to fix it.

Before we let Anger come in and make the situation worse, (because we know that’s what’s coming) let’s take a look at what’s Irking us and figure out a better way to deal. Let’s get to the root. How does something elevate to the level of Annoyance? Think about how many times it’s happened. Who has done it to you in the past. What happened as a result of it happening in the past? Were you abused? Ignored? Made to feel indifferent? Did it just make you uncomfortable? Whatever the reason, it became a pet peeve because you’re triggered. Now, there are all types of triggers, some much more intense and trauma rooted than what causes a pet peeve. But the definition of a trigger is “cause (an event or situation) to happen or exist.” As I’m sitting here looking at the verb definition (which is what we’re talking about) I see the noun definition as well and I like it too. It says “a small device that releases a spring or catch and so sets off a mechanism, especially in order to fire a gun.” I’m going to work with that one and hopefully bring a little perspective on better ways to deal with annoyances.

A trigger is small. Remember that. Whatever is annoying you is SMALL. Think about a small child and the way they dramatically react to falling down and finding the tiniest scrape on their elbow. It’s so small you can’t even see it but the reaction is so huge, you have to deal with it almost the same way you would a major injury. And as the adult in the room we shake our heads and roll our eyes because we know the size of the problem does not equal the response. The same is probably true for your pet peeves. The Annoyance is so small it doesn’t require a dramatic response. Yes it hurt your feelings, yes it inconvenienced you, yes it could have been avoided if XYZ had been done instead. And to that I use a line made popular a few years ago… “But did you die?” Honestly, the best way to deal with pet peeves is to look at self first. It’s YOUR trigger. Look at why YOU are so upset and evaluate. Evaluate whether or not the energy you are putting into being Irked could be better used elsewhere. If it’s not going to kill you, consider your reaction and response to it, because if you fire that gun… how will you come back from that?

How will you come back from firing the gun too quickly and often unncessarily? Pet peeves are most times caused by human error. People making mistakes. Whether they meant to or not, in the end it was a mistake. Even in cases where the error can’t be seen by the other person, perception is reality so for you it’s an error on their part, and that is what’s causing you to be annoyed. At the end of the day, unless you plan to completely isolate yourself from the rest of the world (I don’t recommend that) you’re going to have to react with people and your triggers will be flirted with. People, strangers, acquaintances, and loved ones alike are going to push our buttons and Irk us. If you actually think about it, the things that annoy us most garner a different reaction from us based on who caused it. The people we don’t know often get a pass because the people who know us? They should know better. OR we’ve tolerated it from the people we love so much that Anger says “here I got this” when we’ve reached our last nerve. Sometimes we even go off on the stranger or the professional because “they don’t know us” and should respect a stranger enough not to behave in such a way, and we offer our grace to the people we love because we know they mean well and we have to live with them. No matter the situation, we must always be conscious of the repercussions of how we let our pet peeves dictate our actions. Keep the safety on, so Anger doesn’t get out.

The bible tells us that it is God’s will that we “live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus.” (Romans 15:5) Paul writes that God gives us patience and encouragement to live this way. That means that he doesn’t intend for us to sit around letting our pet peeves and annoyances Irk us to the point of not being able to get along with people. So the next time you’re in that situation and you feel like you’re gonna die if they do it one more time, pray for Patience and let Him encourage your spirit to deal with it the right way. The right way might be letting it go, or it could be talking it out with the other person and communicating clearly. And make sure you remember that even if everybody else understands when you say it that way, all those other people aren’t there when you’re trying to communicate with the person who is hurting you. Remember that effective communication is not effective just because you delivered it, but because it was received. Always be willing to try another way, for the sake of effectiveness, harmony, and your own peace of mind. Think about it, God doesn’t lose his patience when we don’t understand his word the first time. He allows us to keep hearing it in different ways until it sticks for us and we get to the place He has for us.

I’ll leave you with the main points: First, if you’re Annoyed that means you’ve been triggered. Second, triggers are SMALL and we have to react to them appropriately. And Finally, find the appropriate reaction and be willing to switch up your communication if you need to see a better result. Don’t let being Irked make you trigger happy!