Festering Feeling

“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” – Ephesians 4:26

Have you ever left a bottle of soda in the car in the summertime? I’m remembering a time I was riding in a car with friends. We were just riding around, nothing important to do, just enjoying each other’s company and out of no where we heard this loud bang. It scared all of us so much, we pulled over thinking something was wrong with the car. We checked the tires and under the hood to no avail. What was that loud popping sound we had all heard? When we went to get back into the car we discovered it. The floor in the back was wet and there we found the guilty party. A bottle of soda that had been sitting in the car for too long had exploded because of the pressure the heat had caused.

Now I want you to think about the last time you blew up at someone. Chances are whatever the person did to make you angry that time wasn’t the full cause of it. You probably had been angry many times before and the pressure was building up. It possible it wasn’t even the person you blew up at that had made you angry before. It could have been work stress, anxiety, family struggles, money problems, and a host of other things that were extra drops in your bottle, sitting in the hot car, just building up pressure until you explode. That’s festering. Festering is when something becomes more intense or worse, especially after long-term neglect or indifference. And festering is not a good partner in crime for Anger. Like the definition says, festering makes things more intense and worse than they have to be. Think of it as the instigator whispering “you just gonna let him talk to you like that?” or “I wouldn’t take that from her if I were you.” Into your ear everytime you push your emotions down instead of dealing with them. Festering is not good.

Even the bible tells us not to fester. “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” (Ephesians 4:26) is a simple instruction, reminding us to deal with our emotions. God gives us permission to be Angry, we just aren’t supposed to let it cause us to do the wrong thing. I’ve said it dozens of times to clients and friends and I may have even written it here before. But in case I haven’t here it is again: Anger is ok. It is an emotion we have for a reason. God has given us room to feel all the things we feel because we are meant to. If we weren’t he would have never allowed us to know it. But being angry doesn’t mean we have to do bad things, or intentionally hurt others as a way to express that feeling. God tells us not to let the sun go down on our wrath; that means deal with it.

How do we deal with it? There are two most common ways: talk about it, or let it go. Talking about it with a friend who knows how to talk you down or with a therapist who will help you make sense of your emotions can help you let it go. Sometimes venting is enough to get past a situation. But when it’s not, you have to find a way to communicate with whoever is causing you offense so you can rectify the situation and move forward. This is especially true with people and positions you cannot avoid. You can’t quit your job everytime a manager talks to you in a way you don’t like, and you can’t end your marriage everytime your partner hurts your feelings. You always want to try communicating first. If communication fails, that’s when other alternatives need to be considered, but walking away from people and situations you know you have to face again doesn’t always work. And something worth having is worth fighting for, right? If you love your job or your partner or your kids, you want things to work and you’re willing to make compromises and sacrifices to keep them in your life.

So don’t let your feelings fester. Try to deal with feelings, especially anger, head on so they cause less damage when they’re expressed. Talk to someone who can help you figure them out. Give it to God when it’s nothing more you can do, and sleep peacefully at night knowing you gave it your best effort. When you do this, Fester the Pester will have to find somewhere else to be of use.