Permission to Feel

“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4

When you think about mourning, what comes to mind? Probably death; the loss of a loved one. But what if I were to tell you that the death of a person is not the only thing we mourn? Anytime we lose something, a job, a relationship, an opportunity, it’s an opening for us to Grieve. The definition of grief is the response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Anytime something plays a role in who you are or are trying to be passes, it’s not uncommon or unusual to be upset about it. I’m even willing to say for you to be extremely upset about it.

I can recall many types of loss I’ve experienced. Breaking up with my first boyfriend, the death of a very close friend, not getting a job I really wanted, not winning a contest I tried really hard for, getting sick and no longer having an uncompromised immune system. Each time these things happened to me, or anything similar, I’d do my best to move forward, sometimes even pretending like the experience didn’t impact me on the level that I knew it did. And do you know what happened as a result? It was always one of few things; either I took my frustrations out on someone who didn’t deserve it, I spent money I didn’t have or ate foods I didn’t need, or I exploded and suffered from a panic attack later on because my emotions got to be more than I could handle. All these unhealthy coping mechanisms made dealing with my grief harder.

I’ve got plenty to say about embracing the emotion of Sadness and dealing with Grief, and I’ll take my time with it over the next few weeks. But today, I want to focus on one thing: permission. I want you to give yourself permission to be sad. That is the first step with embracing any emotion, accepting the right to feel it. And sadness is one we often don’t want to embrace. Why? I think it’s because we think that being sad will lead to being depressed, will make us look weak, or will keep us from going after the end goal. I’m here to tell you that none of those are true. Everybody gets sad, and believe me, if people who deal with depression could choose not to they would. Depression isn’t a choice, nor is it a result of feeling something that happens to us all naturally. It just requires more help and work to get through.

Everybody gets sad. Even Jesus mourned the loss of his friend, knowing he would bring him back from the dead (John 11:33-36), he even cried. If Jesus is allowed to show emotion when he’s feeling down, why do we think that we shouldn’t? God even provides comfort for us when we’re sad (“Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” Matthew 5:4) because it’s an emotion He wants us to feel. If He didn’t, we wouldn’t have it. So allow yourself to feel sad sometimes. If you feel it up front, it won’t have the same power to keep you down in the future.