Real Men Cry

“And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s will.” Romans 8:27

My heart and spirit have been exceptionally heavy leading into the month of July. In the short span of a few weeks, I’ve witnessed many of my loved ones experience the loss of a loved one, particularly Black men. Sons and Fathers. Cousins and Uncles. Friends and Brothers. I have given as much of myself as a I can to them as they enter a stage of grief unlike any they have ever experienced before, especially the men grieving. I watched them force strength and support, not wanting to cry or show too much emotion because of what that might do to the others looking to them to be a pillar during this hard time. And I’ve seen them experience Guilt for needing and wanting to Grieve in a transparent way.

Why have we made it so difficult to grieve? Why do we have to feel guilty about feeling the loss of someone who means so much to us? If we remember our scriptures, the shortest one in the bible disproves all these myths about what makes a man: Jesus wept (John 11:35.) When Lazarus died, Jesus mourned the loss of his friend, to the point that John captured that moment in it’s own scripture. I’m not sure what point in history determined that crying was a feminine trait and that real men don’t cry, but it saddens me that this stigma exists and teaches our men this unhealthy coping mechanism. Today’s writings are specifically for my brothers, who are trying so hard not to feel. I am going to affirm you today and in turn I hope you affirm others around you. Because I love my Black men with a vengeance and I want you to feel seen in a good way during this hard time in your life.

Affirmation 1: It is OKAY to cry. For the longest, toxic masculinity has decided that men aren’t allowed to cry and I am here to tell you that it’s a lie. You have tear ducts same as women do so it is NATURAL for you to cry and express your emotions through tears. I encourage you to allow that expression to have space in your life and do not keep it bottled up inside. Bottling up grief will only cause an explosion of emotions later in life.

Affirmation 2: You made him proud. For whatever reason you may be unsure if that brother, father, son you lost knew you loved him, knew you admired him, knew you looked up to him, knew you wanted to make him proud… you did. He loved you for you and every day you walk this earth he loved you and was proud to know you. Even when you were falling short.

Affirmation 3: You are as strong as you’re supposed to be. When you feel like you need a few more minutes or days to grieve, take those days and heal. It doesn’t mean you’re not strong, it just means you’re human.

And a 4th: God knows your heart. When it feels like no one understands, God does and if you just need to sit and lament in his presence with tears streaming down your face, he knows your pain and will bring the comfort that you need. Whether that’s in the form of a family member, a friend, or a grief counselor who can help you navigate these feelings, rely on Him to put the right people in your path to help you.

My brothers (and my sisters, because we struggle with grief as well) I pray this day that you find the space to grieve and grieve well, so that you may return to happier moments when the time is right. Remember, it is ok to cry, you made him proud, you’re as strong as you’re supposed to be, and God knows your heart best. If you keep those mantras in the back of your mind, it will bring comfort to you on your grief journey. I love you, and I’m rooting for your success. Keep conquering daily.