Different Seasons

“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

The thing about loss is it’s very unpredictable. You can’t always predict or plan for when a loss is going to occur. And even if you have all the time in the world to prepare for the loss, that doesn’t mean you’ll be prepared for the emotions that can and will surface once the loss happens. But in that, we know that the world keeps spinning and life keeps happening around us. Work schedules, vacations, special occasions like weddings and birthdays… they can’t always be postponed because of the loss. And honestly, that’s not always a bad thing. I want to take a moment to affirm you in how you choose to move forward during a loss period, so that you can lessen your feelings of Guilt while you Grieve.

Affirmation 1: What works for you, works for you. Everyone deals with their grief and loss differently, and it’s unfair to place your grief practices on another person. Some cultures have very strict rules about the way grieving happens while others allow the individual families to decide what their traditions are. Some have time frames for how long grieving should last and others do not. All in all, there’s no reason to judge a person or for you to be judged if you want to celebrate a birthday or take a long anticipated vacation even in the midst of your loss. Your loved one would want you to be happy and to move forward with your life the best way you know how.

Affirmation 2: It’s ok to celebrate your loved one in a way they would approve. Whether you decide to continue with a hobby in their honor, or visit a special place on an anniversary what matters most is the relationship you are remembering and that the choice brings you comfort and not pain. If you find yourself making what would be considered unhealthy choices in remembrance of a person, consider speaking with someone about those thoughts to see if they can help you explore those feelings and come up with a healthier alternative.

Affirmation 3: Your season of grief doesn’t have to match anyone else’s. Even if you are experiencing this loss with other people, don’t feel like you have to move at the same pace through the grieving stages that they do. If you are hurting more during an anniversary or significant reminder of the loss than the others, that’s not wrong either. Our seasons are a reflection of more than just time. They reflect the person, your emotions, and what other experiences await you in the future. The bible tells us “for everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4) No where in there does it define what those seasons are. So process at YOUR pace and don’t let anyone tell you it’s been too long or too short a time period.

So my loves, go forward through your grieving period feeling affirmed to embrace your seasons for what they are and learn from them what you must. I love you, I’m rooting for you, and always keep conquering.