“Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.” Proverbs 14:13
Sometimes in life it’s easier to pretend everything is ok, rather than deal with people’s response to your pain. Have you experienced that? That feeling that you have to hide your true feelings about a situation to avoid dealing with how well (or not well) others around you take it? I know I have. There are so many times that as the strong friend I have had to “put on a happy face” to keep the peace. Why do I do that? There’s a number of reasons people do it. Some do it to protect others from hurt, harm or danger. Others do it to keep people out of their business. For me? I can’t stand fake empathy. I don’t like when people pretend to care about what I’m going through when they really don’t. And it’s really not fair to call it fake, because maybe I haven’t given them a chance to care, but that’s how it feels. And that’s usually my anxiety talking, but I’m a work in progress just like you so it’s something I’m improving on.
But I want you to think about two things. First, think about a time when you just continued to ‘grin and bear it.’ (It’s crazy how normal this practice is that there are so many different ways to say it that have been culturized) Think about the Happy mask you hid behind even though you were Hurting inside. Maybe you lost a loved one and couldn’t afford to have the world see you break down. Maybe you went through a break up and didn’t want people to see how affected you were by it. Maybe you hate your job but can’t afford to look for a new one or deal with a pay cut because then you can’t take care of things so you deal with a biased boss and insensitive co-workers 40+ hours a week. No matter what the reason, you’re hiding your hurt behind a happy mask and whether you realize it or not, you are causing yourself so much damage.
It’s actually unhealthy for you to be excessively happy and untruthful about your real feelings. It can lead to additional stressors, depressive symptoms and even physical symptoms. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to shorten my life expectancy with that kind of unnecessary pressure to be happy. And I definitely don’t want that for you! So let me pour into you with these affirmations and I pray you find some peace.
Affirmation 1: It’s ok to not be ok. Whoever decided that you HAD to be brave and strong every moment of every day in all situations was wrong. The best thing you can do for yourself is honor your feelings and give them the space they deserve to be felt.
Affirmation 2: Happiness is not a mask, it’s a genuine feeling and deserves to be felt. Happiness is not a cloak you drape around Sadness and Hurt. It is a genuine emotion that releases hormones and makes you feel good about yourself. Think about this, if you’re only using happy to pretend everything is ok, how can you actually appreciate when you do feel genuinely happy?
Affirmation 3: When you’re hurting, you have a right to say so. Just like you want to give Happiness a chance to be seen and heard, it’s ok for your Hurt to be seen and heard as well. Besides, how can you deal with something you can’t see or feel?
So take this, being genuinely happy is tons better than pretending when you’re ready to explode. Love your family and friends enough to not want to hurt them, but not so much that you allow yourself to be continuously hurt just to please them. And the second thing I want you to think on (Remember the first? when was the last time you had to grin and bear it) Think about which of your loved ones is probably experiencing the same thing right now. Remind them that they are seen and loved by you and hopefully that will allow them to deal with their hurt. I love you, as always, and I’m praying for your success. Keep conquering daily.
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