I AM EXONERATED

“Yes, each of us will give a personal account to God. So let’s stop condemning each other. Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.” Romans 14:12-13

Your Guilt is not My problem.

Have you ever heard “sins of the father” before? When you first heard it, what did it mean? And why were you hearing it? The phrase has old testament history, where we read the stories of generations suffering because of the sins of the elders. And if we keep reading the bible we know that responsibility and many thought processes were shifted because of the Ultimate Sacrifice. But have you been presented with this concept in today’s day and age? Was someone presenting to you that you had to be responsible for your parents’ short comings? Were they trying to make you hold Guilt for someone else’s sins? Or were they trying to make sense of a bad situation and needed someone to be the scapegoat? No matter what the reason, it stands to reason that there are some misconceptions around how we deal with other people’s guilt.

Another phrase I think works well here is “misery loves company.” A lot of times we find that people who are in bad spirits will say and do things to keep others in bad spirits so they don’t have to feel their feelings alone. The same can be true of the Guilty. When a person has done something for the wrong reasons or holds convictions about an action, they may try to push their guilt on you so they don’t have to bear that burden alone. But that’s not fair. All of our burdens are our own, and even if we share a similar load to the next person, that doesn’t mean we have to bear the same burdens. Have you been bearing someone else’s burden? Have you been holding vigil with someone else (by choice or not) and it’s weighing on you something heavy? Let’s affirm you out of that space.

Affirmation 1: Other people’s problems are their problems. Too often I have seen people become a pseudo empath, where they see a loved one suffering because of a choice they made and they bear the burden of that choice with them as an act of solidarity. Be careful with that. First, being an empath is a very emotionally draining calling in life and many empaths put up very strict boundaries to prevent them from sharing others emotions when they want no parts. Don’t exhaust yourself by taking on too much of a burden that was never yours to begin with.

Affirmation 2: Their guilt is not your problem. If you find yourself faced with someone trying to make you take a fall with them, please assess several things. First, were you involved and to what extent? If there is genuine guilt to be had, be honorable. Second, is this person trying to make you feel guilty so they can gain something from it? Just like you can own responsibility for your actions, they can own responsibility for theirs and you should allow them to do so. And finally, Do you feel better or worse for owning it? If you don’t come out on the other side feeling even a tiny bit better for taking responsibility… should you be doing it? Think these things through and then be ok with allowing them to own their own mistakes and healing.

Affirmation 3: Boundaries are healthy. The bible encourages us not to make life harder for our brothers and sisters since we all have to answer to God for our actions anyway. If you have people in your life who are intentionally trying to make your life harder, setting firm boundaries isn’t a bad thing. You have a right to enjoy life, don’t let someone else’s guilt rob you of that.

Does bearing their guilt make you happy or them?

If you remember nothing else, remember this: Jesus died for our sins so that we don’t have to, and because of that God forgives us all of our transgressions. Asking Him for forgiveness means you don’t have to walk around in Guilt all the time. Own your falls, but then get back up again and keep moving forward. Encourage your loved ones to do the same. And if they won’t, allow them the time they need to get past it, but don’t feel you have to share that burden. Walk in light and love. As always, I’m rooting for you. Keep conquering daily.