“Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” Luke 6:31
You don’t have to understand my Sadness to respect it.
People can be funny when it comes to other people’s emotions. Sometimes it’s because they don’t understand them, sometimes it’s because they have never experienced them or what caused them. Sometimes they have their own feelings about the situation and that takes (obviously) precedence over what you or anyone else is feeling. But no matter what reasoning or rationale a person gives for not understanding how you feel one thing is clear: they don’t get it because it’s not their experience. And that is what causes people to act “funny.” When you can’t relate with a person’s sadness (and this goes for grief as well), you don’t know how to act around them. You don’t know what to say or do and many times that causes us to go to the golden rule. Yup, the same one I referenced above. “Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” (Luke 6:31) And as much as I love the Golden Rule and what it stands for, I want to talk a bit about how we do it wrong.
There are a couple ways people get the Golden Rule wrong. I remember being a kid and when you would ask my brother what the rule was he would say without hesitation “do what they do to you.” Now, as nice as that sounds, we’re not instructed to treat people how they treat us. That can be a dangerous exchange. Because while a person may deserve whatever negative treatment they might be giving out, they probably aren’t looking for that, especially when they’re not feeling their best. But the OTHER way people get it wrong is they interpret it to mean do what you want done for you. That can also be tricky. Because while you may be a person who wants to be surrounded by things that make you happy when you’re sad, someone else might want to be alone. While you might need a vacation to distract you from your pain, someone else might need to focus on a project or work. The main problem with trying to do for others what you like done for you is… they aren’t you. And it’s not your pain, it’s theirs. The worst thing you can do is make someone else uncomfortable trying to be comfortable in your giving. But don’t fret. I still want to empower you to be a good respecter of others feelings, even when you don’t understand them. So let me affirm you.
Affirmation 1: You can show compassion without overdoing it. The easiest way to help someone is to ask what they need and honor the response. Just honor it. If they want space, give them space. If they need time, give them time. If they want company, show up. People respond best when they feel heard and respected.
Affirmation 2: It’s the thought that counts, when the thought doesn’t hurt. People will often excuse something that hurts them when they know the person didn’t mean any harm. But don’t be that person who just does what they want with no real thought to the impact. Let your thoughtfulness actually be thoughtful and respectful of a person’s boundaries.
Affirmation 3: Nobody’s perfect, they will still love you. Even if you don’t get the action perfect, if your compassion can be felt the love will always be there.
Let your biggest action be compassion
I want to take this moment to thank everyone who has been there for me during my grieving and sadness. Some of you got it perfect, because you know me and you considered me in every action you took with me. Some of you don’t know me as well as you thought, and missed the mark a bit, but I know what you were trying to do so it’s no love lost. And those of you who don’t know me at all and just sent kind thoughts and words, I appreciate you most. Because you let your biggest action be compassion. On this Mother’s Day, think about your loved ones who are missing their mothers or children because they are no longer with them, and let your action be compassion as you love on them today. I love you, and I’m always rooting for you. Keep conquering daily.
EMBRACING EMOTION: THE BLOG 