I AM NECESSARY

“What can I say about you? Who has ever seen such sorrow? O daughter of Jerusalem, to what can I compare your anguish? O virgin daughter of Zion, how can I comfort you? For your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you?” Lamentations 2:13

Moments of Sadness are normal, and I decide what my normal is.

Have you ever been called emotional? Or better yet, “too emotional”? It’s the first thing people like to throw out when your emotions make them uncomfortable. And it only relates to certain emotions. Have you ever heard someone be called too emotional because they have a continuous positive disposition? Or when you’re being agreeable? Probably not. But I’m sure you’ve heard it expressed when Anger or Fear or Sadness are involved. Statements like that come from the emotionally immature or unaware. It’s their way of telling you to pick a new feeling because this one is too much for them.

And that isn’t fair. It’s not fair for someone to decide you can’t feel what you feel, or show what you feel, because someone else might not like it. Why is that your problem? But society has been making it our problem for as long as we can remember. Look at what we were taught as children: Boys/big girls don’t cry. No use in crying over spilled milk. One of my favorite songs for the longest was Smile by Nat King Cole and I didn’t even realize that this sweet, sad little song was telling me that crying was pointless and if I smile through my fears and sorrows then things will get better. Society has tricked us into thinking that if we just replace Sadness with Happiness everything will be just fine. But Sadness is necessary. And your right and ability to feel and express it however and whenever you need to is also necessary. We don’t get better by mindlessly tricking ourselves out of feelings. So today, let me affirm your necessary.

Affirmation 1: Sadness is a necessary for healing. We don’t feel sad for no good reason. Anytime it takes the leaderboard, it’s there for a reason. Maybe its the anniversary of a tragic event in your life. Maybe you just witnessed something unpleasant. Maybe things aren’t going the way they should or according to plan. No matter what reason it pops up, it’s necessary to get to the next stage so don’t skip it.

Affirmation 2: It’s not your job to make other people comfortable with your sadness. Everybody’s pain process is different. Some people need to scream and talk. Some need to sit in silence. Some need to be surrounded by love. Others need time alone. Whatever your process is, don’t change it to make it easier for everyone else. They can and will rise to the occasion and love you through your pain. And if they can’t, at least now you know who to keep close and who to put some distance to. The best thing you or anyone can do when unsure of how to help someone through their sadness is just to ask. When Jeremiah mourned and cried out for the cities he said “What can I say about you? Who has ever seen such sorrow? O daughter of Jerusalem, to what can I compare your anguish? O virgin daughter of Zion, how can I comfort you? For your wound is as deep as the sea. Who can heal you?” (Lamentations 2:13) Be empowered to decide what normal looks like in this moment for you.

Affirmation 3: Your pain, your time. No one can tell you how long or strong to feel something. It is your experience based on your life and the things that have happened in it, so only you know how long it should take to deal with something. And if you don’t know, go with the flow. Your body and mind are capable of naturally shifting to a new state of being. But if for any reason things don’t feel normal or too hard, you can always seek help from trusted members of your circle and professionals.

The only thing normal about normal is how unique your definition of it will be.

My loves, I hope you never again find yourself hiding emotions for the sake of others. I hope you are encouraged to feel them all in your own way and figure them out for yourself. I hope you will continue to teach others how to treat you and love you so your process doesn’t have to be any harder than it already is. I love you, and I’m always rooting for you. Keep conquering daily.