I AM RECIPROCAL

“We love each other because He loved us first.” 1 John 4:19

I can give and receive Love because it has been given to me.

When I think about love, I often think about the golden rule. You know it, the one that says “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It trips people up a lot for different reasons. Some struggle with it because they struggle with self love. Others struggle with it because they don’t think the other person deserves such fair treatment. But what I have come to discover is that very few people struggle with it because of lack of knowledge of love. Let me explain. Everyone has an idea of what love is. They know it because they’ve always felt it from those around them, or maybe they had bad experiences with love and are trying not to feel that bad feeling ever again. Some are trying to emulate what they feel for others or themselves. Some are chasing what they read about in books or movies. At the end of the day the idea of love comes from so deep inside of us that whether we’re getting it right or wrong, we’re familiar with the concept any desire some form of the feeling.

How can that be? Because of reciprocity. We give, feel or do based on what was given, felt or done to us or at the very least in our purview. We are reciprocal, in that we naturally WANT to receive in return for what we give. And that’s not a bad thing. We just have to be careful with how we approach that. Have you ever found yourself over compensating for something? Giving more than you have to give with the hopes that it will be noticed and eventually returned. Saying something a certain way because you hope the other person will speak to you the same? Giving a gift a certain way because maybe others will pick up on the way you gift and emulate that? Or worse, allowing anxiety and fear of the unknown stop you from putting yourself out there at all. So today I’m going to affirm you in the spirit of reciprocity in the hopes that it will help move you to love and showing your love in a way that is fair to you and them.

Affirmation #1- God taught me. The scripture says “We love each other because He loved us first.” (1 John 4:19) This is so enlightening for me. God was our first teacher on love. He loved us first and loves us always, in spite of everything else. As people we are fickle, and moody and not always our best. We fail at love between each other and ourselves so often, but God never fails. Let that be the guide you use for giving love. Show love based on how God loves, not others.

Affirmation #2- Match intention, not energy. We have to be very careful with matching energy (and I’m guilty of this myself). Sometimes we misread the situation or there’s just a miscommunication and it would be a disservice to yourself and the others if you missed an opportunity to love because you chose to respond louder to what you interpreted instead of what they were trying to say. Communication is key, especially with love, because we don’t all express or interpret the same way. So try to reciprocate the intention instead of the energy.

Affirmation #3- Being reciprocal isn’t being a doormat. We want to show love at all times, but like I said before, people don’t make that easy. And for some people, their struggles with giving AND receiving love can be traumatic for you. When that happens, it means it’s time to shift the way we show love to them. Sometimes we have to love from a distance to protect our wellbeing. Gone are the days where we must tolerate abuse because of who it’s coming from. Separate yourself and protect your peace.

My prayer for you today is that you be reciprocal in love. That you find inspiration in the love of God, are gracious with the love you give, and that you protect yourself from expressions of negative reciprocity. Continue to walk your journey, learning more and more about you everyday. I love you, and as always, I’m rooting for you. Keep conquering daily.