I AM ACCEPTANCE

“Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” Luke 22:42

I can accept that everything doesn’t always make sense… even when it hurts.

Acceptance can be a hard stage in the grieving process. Not because the person or thing isn’t gone, because we know that they are (no matter how much that hurts to say out loud), but because somehow we often convince ourselves that acceptance means not being sad, or angry, or hurt by the loss any longer. There is a stigma (like we’ve talked about before) that there’s a “normal” time or way to deal with loss and grief and when you’re doing it “right” you can get through the stages of grief with no issue. If you’ve ever gone through a grief process you know that’s not true at all. There’s no one right way to deal with it, and knowing that is the first step. Accepting it is the next. Yes, you can know something and not accept it. We do it all the time. When we put on a dress or shirt we KNOW is too small but we love it so we’re going to “make it work.” When we know the light is about to turn red but we speed up and get our wheels across the stop line “just in time” to make it? And of course (with sorrow) when we see the report and read the text and confirm the loss… but we keep saying “there’s no way this is real.” Knowing it and accepting it doesn’t always happen in the same instant, but I hope that I can affirm you and help make acceptance more tangible for you.

Affirmation 1: Eventually is okay. Too often we rush to acceptance in an attempt to speed past the emotions of grief. Sometimes this is intentional, when you know the pain is more than you want to bear or want others to see, and if you just accept and show others you accept, then you’ll be ok. Stop doing that. The only thing rushing does is delay the emotions it does not stop them. So learn to be ok with eventually. “How are you feeling?” “Today is hard, but I’ll get there eventually.” “Are you ready to move on?” “No, but eventually I will be.” Eventually is a reminder to yourself (and others) that you don’t intend to be downhearted forever and you’re not spiraling out of control, you’re just giving your emotions the time they deserve. But if you ever find yourself doubting that eventually will come, it’s ok to talk about it with someone you trust or a professional. Don’t bear the burden alone.

Affirmation 2: Accepting it doesn’t mean being ok with it. Have you ever been in a situation where you accepted the circumstances but still had strong emotions about it? Yeah, that’s totally normal! Just because you know the circumstances cannot and will not change does not mean your emotions are just going to fall in line with that realization… nor do they have to. You are entitled to cry, scream, yell, be angry or sad about a grievance even when you know it won’t change anything. I’ve said it many times before that our emotions are going to do, they are going to come out. But we have to be careful to give them the space they need so they don’t take more than you can afford to give.

Affirmation 3: Nevertheless, not my will. I grew up accepting that God’s will was better for my life than my own. Not always liking it, but always accepting it. Now I know that’s not everyone’s story and it is definitely easier said than done, especially when it comes to grief. Grief hits us with unimaginable pain and it is very easy to find yourself questioning how a gracious and loving God can allow bad things to happen to good people. There’s nothing I can say to make that pill easy to swallow but I can say that even Jesus was faced with this… on the eve of his execution. He asked God to let it pass and to spare him, but accepted that God’s purpose and plan is perfect and by letting Him be in control, you take the pressure of trying to understand the unknown off your shoulders.

My loves, I pray a prayer of acceptance over you as you go through your grief journey, that God keep you and cover you and that eventually come as quickly as it is supposed to for your sake. I pray that as you grow into the acceptance phase of this journey that you are not hard on yourself for arriving there and that you make room for happiness to return (eventually). I believe in you, and I love you, always. Keep conquering daily.