I AM AVENGED

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4: 31-32

I don’t have to fight every battle that presents itself by myself.

Thinking back on my upbringing and Sunday mornings in church, the music has always been what resonated with me first. Maybe it’s because I’m an artist, maybe its because sound healing deeply impacts me. Whatever the reason, Sunday mornings (and anytime I need it) Gospel music brings me peace and understanding. There are so many songs about fighting battles and not doing it alone, but what happens when you do feel alone? What emotions come out of you in those moments of desperation?

I’m sure Fear is probably one, Sadness another. But what about Anger? Do you get angry at the thought of being alone, abandoned, stressed, confused? Do you blow up at people and get a little vindictive and vengeful because the people who were supposed to care… just don’t seem to? I know how that feels. I know what it’s like to want to shut down and shut everyone out and being mean and cold is a really good way to make that happen. But its the vengeful energy I want to draw attention to. That energy that makes you want to make others suffer because they either caused your suffering or sat by and watched while you went through it. That energy that will have you up at night thinking about things you shouldn’t, harboring ill towards others… that energy that will isolate you and eat you alive if you let it. Don’t let it.

Let’s affirm. I want to give you permission to release yourself from that negative space and find comfort and understanding instead. I want you to feel covered and protected, not lost in the wind fending for yourself. I want you to feel free to feel but move slowly in those feelings.

Affirmation 1: I don’t have to embody the hurt that I’m feeling. It is ok to feel hurt, anger and pain. But you don’t have to become those things. My nerd is about to come out a little… think about every villain origin story you’ve ever heard. Those villains experienced something tragic in their lives and it turned them to evil instead of forgiveness. In the more sophisticated story arcs we see those villains address that trauma and start to heal, but by then they are either too far gone to just turn back, or it costs them their freedom or their lives. Don’t let that be you.

Affirmation 2: Remember that everyone has stuff… even if you don’t know what that stuff is. Are there some truly selfish people out there who just don’t care how what they do affects anyone else? Yes. Is that everyone in your life? Most likely it’s not. Most likely the reason people aren’t there for you the way you want or need them to is because the either don’t know what you need or they have their own stuff on their mind in that moment. It is very hard to put your own stuff to the side for the sake of someone else. It’s not a natural instinct. So give grace to people, and if a behavior is repeated too many times and it hurts too many times, this is when you assess the value of the relationship and seek help with managing your feelings and expectations. Sometimes it requires reframing… sometimes it requires walking away.

Affirmation 3: Pick your battles. Sometimes we fight too much and too long, when silence allows others to provide support (yes that support you don’t see). When we set expectations for others that they are unaware of and get upset because they don’t meet them, we subtract an ally from our circle. When we subtract allies we feel we have to fight every battle on our own. But if we would just use a little patience… and give people the chance to show up for us… they will. Now I’m not saying sit back and let bad things happen to you waiting for Prince Charming. I’m saying if you can afford not to act, don’t. God is always going to show up, but how can He speak if you won’t stop talking?

I embrace you all with sisterly love this morning, and hope you will quiet your Anger and fight less. I hope you will allow your allies to support you in the best way they can and let others fight the battles you’re exhausted from fighting. I pray that you will stop walking in vengeance and allow yourself to be avenged. I love you, and as always, I’m rooting for you. Keep conquering daily.