I AM EMBRACING SELECTIVITY

 “For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.” Romans 11:29

I am not meant for everyone, and that’s ok.

People pleasing. Are you plagued with it the way I am? You might be the traditional people pleaser, that everyone considers helpful and kind and has the emotional need to make others happy, even if it’s at your own expense. Or maybe you’re more like me, and you exude confidence and “she’s got it all together”ness, and “nobody’s going to compromise my boundaries” oozes out of you at every wake, and you’re not afraid to say no when you need to or out of principle… except when you’re all alone and left to your own thoughts, internally screaming because you want to say yes but you know you can’t, and start to question why people label you any and everything except what you are and you cry because you just can’t understand why they don’t like you.

The need to be liked. See, I’m not a true people pleaser and neither are you if you know your boundaries and use your voice, but the need to be liked will have you questioning those boundaries and silencing your voice just for the sake of trying to “avoid conflict.” Conflict is normal, and it’s never going away because we’re not always going to agree with everyone we come into contact with. I’ve been dealing with my need to be liked (which is laced heavily in my need to be valued, but that’s another topic for another day) and in speaking with my mentor yesterday she reminded me in the gentlest voice that “it comes with the territory.” And as much as I didn’t want to hear that, it was exactly what I needed to hear. It was the glaring reminder that you can’t please everyone. It’s impossible. So today I want to empower and affirm you into selectivity, and walking in that truth.

Affirmation 1: I am embracing Selectivity. First of all, what is it? Selectivity is the quality of carefully choosing someone or something as the best or most suitable. Do you know that God did that when He made you? And that doesn’t just apply to the way you look, it goes down to the way you act, the way you feel, the talents you have. He CHOSE you for this walk, so why not embrace it? Why not start to accept who you are and being ok with it, in spite of what other people say or think.

Affirmation 2: You are purposed, not accidental. The scripture says “For God’s gifts and his call can never be withdrawn.” (Romans 11:29) What does that mean? It means you are who you are and that’s not going to change. God made each of us exactly how he wanted us to be. The gifts you have that rub people the wrong way aren’t uncomfortable because they’re wrong, they’re uncomfortable because they’re challenging. You are providing challenge in someone’s life the same way others have provided challenge in yours. Grow from that, don’t shrink.

Affirmation 3: You aren’t meant for everyone, and that’s ok. The hardest part of embracing selectivity is also embracing that everyone won’t be ok with it. Some people will be jealous of it, some won’t understand it, some won’t like what it requires of them. That’s a them problem. The cow won’t stop being a viable protein source just because some people choose not to eat beef. But also understanding that there will be some that want to walk with you and be your friend or partner, but the blend just isn’t there. Don’t try to force it. The peanut can’t stop being what it is just because some people are allergic to it. Learn to let people be people, and put your energy into loving the ones meant for your journey.

My good people, I pray for you today and encourage you to embrace being the best and most suitable for your life. I hope you can find peace and understanding and stop leaning into to people pleasing and like chasing, but lean into self love and healthy relationships. And remember, if you are struggling with this, seek help! Don’t think you have to take this walk alone without the support of family, friends, mentors, and mental health professionals. Support is there, and we all need it from time to time. I love you, and as always, I’m rooting for you. Keep conquering daily!