I AM EMBRACING INTENTIONS

“… People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

The thought only counts if it’s truly thoughtful… I won’t be gaslit by self-serving intentions.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions… Have you heard that before? I use it a lot when talking to clients or friends and family about their good intentions going awry. I believe I’ve discussed intentions and gifts and gratefulness on this platform before as well, but it never hurts to revisit when it’s resonating in my spirit, so here we are. I want you to think back on the last time you did something for someone else. Think about your how and your why. Was a favor being asked of you? Was someone expressing a need? Did you have extra and were just looking for a way to give back? All of these can be good reasons to give your time, energy, or resources to someone or something else. It’s good to be a giver. But always question your why. If you’re doing it because you want others to be happy then kuddos, you have tapped into the most gracious of intentions… but if it’s to be recognized or with the hopes that it will be returned, I caution you to question that intention and make a new choice.

That touches the why… but now I want to focus on your how. Intentions are wonderful but not when they are forced. And never when the one receiving it feels like it is being forced on them. What do I mean by that? I have 2 very specific areas that resonate with me deeply and I hope that they will resonate with you more once you’ve given them a little more thought: giving and receiving gifts and comments of condolences. Think about the last time you gave a gift to someone and what you expected from the receipt of that gift. Did you expect the person to be happy? Did you expect them to be overtly grateful and excited? Did you expect them to to be relieved or at ease because of what you provided? These are not unfair expectations, as we all hope to make a person happy with a gift, right? But let’s do some follow up questions, shall we? Did the person ask for what you gave them? Did they say they had an interest in receiving it? Did they provide guidance that you “ignored”? Did you even ask them in the first place what would bring them joy? If you’re unsure about any of these… then maybe your good intention was a bit misguided? The same rings true when offering words to someone in a struggle… do you know how that person responds to different triggers? Have you considered what they want or need to hear in their moment of pain? Did you take offense to a less than favorable response because it wasn’t what you expected them to say? We have to be more careful with what we give out and what we expect to receive back; we need to mind our intentions.

Mental health is very fragile. Anything can happen and turn it on it’s head and the interactions we have with loved ones are the most influential on what happens next. If a person feels judged, misunderstood, ignored, disregarded or belittled by the actions of the ones they hold closest, it can shape who they are in those situations for a very long time. So how can you help? Let me affirm you to some good intentional places:

Affirmation 1: I am embracing Intentions. Learn to be selfless in your intent. God knows your heart, and will always love and forgive based on it… people not so much. You are bound to have your feelings hurt a time or two because what you meant is not what was received. Be patient, kind and willing to ask forgiveness. Don’t be afraid to explain yourself and to self reflect. If a person is telling you what they need, don’t ignore that out of comfort with the hopes they’ll just receive it because you “tried.” I mean, if you ignored their requests… did you really try?

Affirmation 2: God knows your heart, don’t be afraid to show it. If you’re really trying to be a good person, don’t be afraid to let that show. People can be more forgiving than you realize if they know you truly mean well. And before you decide that a person is just paranoid… maybe ask yourself what could have gotten them to that place and how your transparency can make them more comfortable. At the same time, don’t be gaslit into changing who you are to satisfy others. Just like people manipulate with their gift giving, people also manipulate on the receiving end. Be true to yourself.

Affirmation 3: Intentions require relationship. I will tell you right now that 9 times out of 10, if you don’t have a good relationship with a person, your intention is prone to be misinterpreted. That being said, don’t offer things you can’t follow through on. Don’t use a persons misfortune to be intentionally kind if you’re not going to follow that up (or go before it) with relationship. Like I said before, mental health is fragile and expecting someone to receive something positively with no understanding of their experiences is selfish. If there’s no connection, expect rejection. Combat rejection with transparency and understanding.

My loves, I know this probably isn’t what you expected on Mother’s Day, but I’ll give it to you this way. Mother’s Day is often a painful holiday for those who don’t have their mothers with them, had wanting relationships with their mothers, have lost children, or have desire to be a mother where obstacles have been presented. Be intentional with how you interact with them today. Be kind with your words, but understanding if they aren’t received the way you want them to be. Be patient and loving and respectful with your social media posts and bragging or tributes. And most of all, be respectful. Give respect to receive respect. I love y’all, dearly, and I meant that. Keep conquering daily.