“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6
If I relinquish control, I relinquish guilt when things don’t work.
Control. We all deal with a need for control at some point in our lives. Control over our careers, our education, our finances, our families. No matter how it manifests, we feel better when we know what’s going on. But for the anxious (myself included) that need for control is often what can make getting through the day possible. And losing the element of control can be detrimental. Have you ever been there? Where things are spiraling and you can’t figure out why it’s affecting you so much… until you realize (or it’s pointed out to you) that your panic is coming from a fear of the unknown and being able to control the outcome of the situation because you don’t know what that will be. Controlling the unknown. If only we could do that. If only we could know what was coming every time and control our response to it because we could be infinitely prepared for it. Yeah… unfortunately, that’s often an unrealistic expectation.
So how DO we set realistic expectations when it comes to control and the unknown? I’m going to say the thing no control freak wants to hear… you have to let go of control. You have to Embrace Surrender. Whew. Was that as hard for you to read as it was for me to write? What do you mean embrace surrender? Surrender means to give up, to quit, to concede! Why would I choose that? But before surrender means all of that, it means cease resistance. Granted, typically when we surrender we’re giving in to the enemy. But what if I told you that it’s just a perceived enemy? That’s right. The actual enemy we’re fighting when we force control is ourselves… because we’ve become our own worst enemy by not allowing things to take their natural course because we’re holding on so tightly. So, how do we learn to relinquish control and wave the white flag on our panic? Let’s affirm!
Affirmation 1: I don’t have to be my own hero. So often the need to control comes from a lack of trust. We don’t trust others not to let us down so we don’t give them the opportunity to show up for us. But being your own hero is HARD. Being the person that has to be there for everyone else AND yourself is often too much pressure and we spiral. But I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to not be your own hero. Let someone else show up for you every once in a while, and don’t forget that God is going to show up for you every time, even if it doesn’t seem like it at first.
Affirmation 2: Bad things happen to good people. When things go wrong it’s not always a result of something you did wrong. Sometimes bad things just happen. And when that happens, you don’t have to take responsibility for it. I struggle with finding guilt within myself when other people let me down. Was it something I said, or did? Did I not reach out enough? Did I say something offensive? How did I fail in this? It’s taken a lot of reflection, working with my own therapist, and some good friends to assure me that sometimes people or situations just suck and we don’t have to hold accountability where there isn’t any to be had. And if we relinquish the need to control the outcome, we can relinquish the need to be guilty when things go wrong.
Affirmation 3: I deserve this breath. Every breath you breathe is yours to take. You deserve it for no reason other than life has been afforded to you and you get to live it. Something I do when I’m in anxious moments or guilty expressions is I don’t breathe. I deny myself the most basic of things I deserve and I have to remind myself (and my circle reminds me too) to breathe. I have to surrender control of life to life and do what is necessary to have life: breathe. So I encourage you to just breathe, and let tomorrow take care of tomorrow.
My loves, this entry is hitting me in my gut in a serious way. I know first hand how hard surrender can be but I also know how rewarding it is. And the only one I know who to truly surrender to is God. The scripture says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) He hasn’t let me down yet and He’s not going to let you down either. I promise. Let go of that control just the teeniest tiniest bit and see what it can do for you. Just try it. I love you, and I believe in you. Keep conquering daily.
EMBRACING EMOTION: THE BLOG 