It is what it is

“I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness. I lie awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof. My enemies taunt me day after day. They mock and curse me. I eat ashes for food. My tears run down into my drink because of your anger and wrath. For you have picked me up and thrown me out. My life passes as swiftly as the evening shadows. I am withering away like grass. But you, O Lord, will sit on your throne forever. Your fame will endure to every generation … For the Lord will rebuild Jerusalem. He will appear in his glory. He will listen to the prayers of the destitute. He will not reject their pleas.” Psalms 102:6-12; 16-17

It is what it is. I’ve grown to dislike this phrase. It’s because when I would have conversations with a close friend about what was happening in his life, and I would ask him how he feels about what he’s going through, this would be his response. It is what it is. What exactly does that mean? According to him, it means he can’t change it so why care about it? It became a great source of contention between us because I just wanted him to care, for good or bad, to feel something about the stressful and often painful things he was going through, but he was resolved to express nothing and just sit in the gloom no matter what. It was pessimistic. Indifferent. Melancholy.

For the past several weeks we’ve been going back and forth with what happens when Sadness and Contentment occupy the same space. We’ve address how to keep Sadness from taking over your safe space when troublesome things happen. But what happens when you become Content with being Sad? Melancholy arises and a cloud of gloom sits over you constantly. Don’t get me wrong, Melancholy is an emotion that we all feel at times. By itself it is not a bad thing. But when you find you can’t shake the feeling, or it starts to prohibit you from living your life, it’s something to pay attention to. Now this could be a sign of a few things: It could mean that you’ve slid into a state of depression and if that is the case there is help for that. The best way to determine if what you’re experiencing is depression is to seek out professional help. A therapist, psychologist, or even your primary care physician can screen you for depression and help you with the next steps. It could also mean that you’re grieving a loss or a situation, and while that may not require the same level of professional help that depression requires, you can absolutely seek out grief counseling, a spiritual advisor, or someone you trust and can talk to, to help you process your grief. Or, it could mean that your glass is always half empty and you no longer see the point in hoping it could ever be filled. No matter what the reason you’ve fallen into Melancholy, I want to point out a few (let’s go with 3) warning signs and some ways you can counter them.

Warning sign #1: You’ve been feeling it longer than usual. Like I stated before, Melancholy is an emotion we all feel from time to time. But if this time you’re sitting in it longer than normal for you? It’s time to try some things. I recommend mindfulness activities, specifically meditation. What I love about mindfulness meditation, is that is opens your mind and connects you with everything around you. You feel the carpet under your toes, hear the chirping birds outside your window, smell the fresh air or the cookies baking in the next room. Connecting with things outside of your bad situation so you’re not focused on it is an effective way to realign your thoughts and bring in a little optimism. If after some mindfulness meditation you no longer feel as sad, you have begun to shift from your melancholic state.

Warning sign #2: You’ve started to lose interest in things you once loved. Now to be clear (again), nobody expects you to keep the same routine after an immediate loss. We even understand the need to take space on the anniversary of great losses. But if you look at yourself and see that you have no interest in doing things you like to do and there’s no real reason why? That’s not such a good thing. I recommend a processing exercise that most of us are familiar with: a pros and cons list. Create a short pros and cons list for doing the activity you’re thinking about. If you can put down more pros than cons, that means you do still enjoy the activity. If seeing those pros gives you a new lease on wanting to try and do them, even better! But if your list has more cons than pros it’s time to ask yourself why and if that doesn’t bring clarity, seek out help.

Warning sign #3: You’re thinking about what the world would be like without you in it. That is suicidality and I want you to seek professional help. If you don’t have a plan or you aren’t thinking about hurting yourself, that’s a good thing. But thinking about the world without you in it could be signs of something worse and I don’t have any home remedies for dealing with it. You are loved, you are valued, and the world needs you. So please, seek out someone who can help you with processing those thoughts. If the thoughts are more planned out you can call a suicide hotline (800-273-8255) or even call 911. But please, do whatever it takes, because I want you here.

I want you to remember, my readers, if you have found yourself in a melancholic state and don’t know how to bring yourself out, these two things: First, you are not the first or only person to feel this way no matter how alone it makes you feel. The world is full of people who have experienced and will experience what you feel. And secondly, that God allowed you to be here for a reason and He knows the when and why you will depart this earth. My key verse comes from the pen of King David. He described Melancholy with the grace of a poet, but then he goes on to put his trust in God to deliver him from it. “I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness. I lie awake, lonely as a solitary bird on the roof. My enemies taunt me day after day. They mock and curse me. I eat ashes for food. My tears run down into my drink because of your anger and wrath. For you have picked me up and thrown me out. My life passes as swiftly as the evening shadows. I am withering away like grass. But you, O Lord, will sit on your throne forever. Your fame will endure to every generation … For the Lord will rebuild Jerusalem. He will appear in his glory. He will listen to the prayers of the destitute. He will not reject their pleas.” (Psalms 102:6-12; 16-17) God knows what you’re feeling, He understands what you’re going through, and He will always help bring you out. I love you, and I’m so glad you’re here. I’ll see you next week for more!