Bound by Love

“No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39

I want you to think about love. Who loves you? Who really, truly loves you? Maybe you’re thinking about your parents, or your children… your spouse or your friend circle. And who do you love? The lists are probably identical, and its possible that there might be more on one list than the other. But as you think about who you love and who loves you, think also about the level of Confidence you have in that love, and the Stressors that are placed on it. For me, and maybe for you too, there are times when I feel inadequate in love. When I’m stressed about life or the circumstances surrounding a relationship, I may start to feel undeserving of it or like the other person doesn’t care about me as much. I feel distanced from them and the affection that I once knew there. And that makes me sad. Does that happen to you? If it does there are ways to move through those feelings and come out affirmed. Here’s a few tips that have helped me.

First, evaluate the situation. Yes, there are times when we grow out of relationships, but that’s not every time. So it’s important to look at what is happening and the how and why it is making you feel what you feel. Are you stressed by work, family, life? Are they? Before you start taking it personal when your loved one doesn’t have the same expression of affection towards you, make sure there aren’t other extenuating circumstances. Remember that everyone processes stress differently and for the other person it could be lashing out or taking time for one’s self. Don’t make a bigger deal out of something that could possibly have nothing to do with you.

Next, I want you to consider your role. While you’re thinking about how you feel and how you’re impacted, think about the other person’s perspective and what might be happening for them based on how you’ve treated them. Like I said, everyone processes stress differently, and your process might be hard for someone else to handle. That’s not to say assign feelings to them, but think about why they might be doing what they’re doing and how your actions might have played a role in it. That’s not to say take on all the blame. Everyone has to be accountable for themselves and even if you’ve been viscous to them, they have to own how they respond to it. But think about it… how easy is it for you to deal with someone who has been viscous to you?

Then, communicate. Poor communication is the biggest downfall in relationships. We have a tendency to assume that because of the relationship we have with people that they know what we mean or how they are impacting us. Don’t do that. People don’t always know how what they’re doing is making you feel. So it’s not really fair to them to punish them for a crime they don’t know they’re committing. The analogy I like to give is that a person with a really heavy shoe may not realize they’re standing on your foot. So if they are and you don’t tell them, how can you expect them to move? Now if they don’t move after you’ve told them, by all means be upset and hold them accountable. But never assume they know what their actions are doing to you. Think of that heavy shoe as the other person’s Stress. Stress can cause us to be so weighted that we don’t recognize the burden it’s leaving on others. We do what we can to push it out from us that we don’t see we’re pushing it onto someone else. So let your loved one’s know when they’ve put a little more on you than you can bear and let them decide what their next move is going to be. And this works both ways, guys! When you’re feeling stressed, tell them! Nothing says you have to wait for them to verbalize that they noticed your differences, you can speak up right away. I promise, it helps.

And finally, relieve some of the pressure. Remember who loves you first and always: God. Paul told the Romans “No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:39) The Creator will always love you in spite of it all. You are bound to Him by that love, the same way you’re bound to others by love. When someone loves you, and when you love someone else, the relationship isn’t just thrown away over something trivial. Even people we don’t talk to anymore can still have some of our love and affection. Just because you have to love yourself more doesn’t mean you can’t love them at all. And remember that you have to love yourself before anyone else can. No amount of affection from anyone else can take the place of self love. And show yourself that love by practicing self care. Taking care of your physical and mental health, taking time to yourself for yourself and showing yourself some grace are the best ways to love yourself. Remember, a person that loves themselves is easier to love.

So, whenever you feel Inadequate in love evaluate the situation, consider your role, communicate, and relieve some pressure. Remember you are bound by love to the people you care about and only you can determine how that bond continues to hold. I love you (that’s right, we’re bound!) and I know you’re going to keep conquering daily! Peace and Blessings.