Passing the Mantle

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” 1 Peter 4:10

Grief is hard. When we lose someone, expected or unexpected, it’s not an easy thing to deal with or process to work through. All the memories colliding with the desire to move on to the other side of the shock can be like trying to dodge raindrops in a thunderstorm. I missed you all last week, life got in the way. But some of the conversations I’ve had recently with loved ones have me looking at a unique experience that happens when we lose certain people: the passing of the mantle. When someone of esteem in our lives passes, it often means someone else having to step into those shoes. Matriarch, patriarch, mentor, oldest cousin… no matter what it is, when we lose that special person, we’re often looking for someone to fill the void… and what happens when the void filler is you?

A few things. Maybe you take it on with pride. Maybe you’re nervous and lean on someone else. Maybe you run, feeling like you can’t measure up. Maybe you complain every step of the way. No matter what lane you find yourself in when the mantle is headed your way, I’m sure we all can agree that you feel one thing for certain: Guilt… because you wish the person you’re succeeding was still here to carry the torch. So, as you stand ready to take on the job you never asked for, I want to affirm you with a few words of insight and inspiration.

Affirmation 1: No one is ever truly ready. Whether you’re psyching yourself out or adamantly refusing the role, no one is ever ready to take on this kind of thing when it comes to them. Why? Because it’s not the kind of thing you volunteer for. It happens because you’re the most reliable, or the oldest, or the most well liked… never the most ready. The previous mantle holder most likely didn’t ask to bear this burden. It just comes with the territory. But you can take encouragement in knowing that others believe in your ability to carry this mantle, otherwise they wouldn’t allow it to be passed to you.

Affirmation 2: They believe in you. Anyone looking to you to fill that void believes that you can. So, stop worrying about messing it up or doing it wrong. There’s no one right way to do it. You don’t even have to do it the way the last person did; that’s the style that worked for them! And go ahead and let that thought about reinventing yourself go to do this. It’s not necessary. Your loved ones love you for who you are and don’t expect you to change, so don’t! Unless your changes are a result of self-reflection and a desire to be a better you, keep up the work that made them think of you in the first place.

Affirmation 3: You’re not alone. Being the person that others look to for guidance can be a big deal, but it’s not a burden you have to handle on your own. If you still have the elders in your family, lean on them. If you’ve got friends who understand the responsibility, turn to them. And don’t forget you have your own mentors, therapists and religious leaders who are an available resource. And most importantly, when the burden feels too much, always give it back to God to sustain you. The bible tells us “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” (1 Peter 4:10) He has called you to this role and will not leave you in it alone.

All in all, my loves, remember that the mantle is coming to you because it’s your season to carry it. So, carry it with grace and your own unique style. Those looking to you for that leadership will be so grateful to have you and have you in your own way. I love you, and as always, I’m rooting for you. Keep conquering daily!