No One Way

“… Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble. Indeed how can people avoid what they don’t know is going to happen?” Ecclesiastes 8:6-7

Have you ever found yourself feeling Guilty for not Grieving the way everyone else is around you? Maybe everyone else is crying about Grandma’s passing, but you are surprisingly at peace? Or maybe your favorite show is ending and you’re taking it surprisingly hard for your friend circle. No matter how big the loss, or small, you just can’t seem to process it like everybody else. I’ve been there before. I can remember hearing the news that loved ones were on their death bed and being more devastated the day I found out than the day they actually passed away. And I’ll never forget the way I processed the last episode of Lovecraft Country. I was in a for the next two days. But guess what? I bounced back from all of those situations without anything more than a normal struggle through the grief process.

How do you deal with handling grief differently? Do you find yourself shying away from others or not talking through your grief because people just won’t understand your process? Do you feel judged for needing a few extra days… or a few less than the one’s around you? Well let me normalize somethings for you, and of course, affirm your processing.

Affirmation 1: There is no ONE way to deal with grief. The grief process is subject to your culture, your status, your relationship, age, experiences, and above all else, your personality. Don’t let anyone convivence you that you’re grieving wrong just because you’re not grieving like they would. Everybody doesn’t require a super reflective, tearful journey when experiencing loss. The most important thing to do when grieving, is feel.

Affirmation 2: Your feelings are normal. There is nothing abnormal about feeling sad, relief, peace, anger or a slew of other feelings when going through a loss. As long as you’re looking at it through a lense that is healthy and healing, feel free to feel what you feel! But as a word of caution, if you find yourself feeling things you’re really not comfortable with and the feelings start to impact your daily living, it may be time to get some additional support and start having conversations with other people. Those people can be family, friends, colleagues, mentors, your PCP or therapist. It’s never wrong to seek out help.

Affirmation 3: God’s validation means more than man’s. The bible tells us .. Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble. Indeed how can people avoid what they don’t know is going to happen?” (Ecclesiastes 8:6-7) and I’m really grateful for this passage. It reminds us that there is a time and a way for everything. Not one way for everything but A time and A way. That means that as each situation has differences to it from the last situation, there is A way to do what is right. I encourage you to know that what is right is handling your responsibilities… the first of which is to take care of yourself.

So my dear readers, as I give you this short and sweet entry this week I hope that the biggest takeaway you have is you should feel free to feel what you feel, without guilt or the need to appease anyone. Your grief process is yours and if it leads you back to a lane of growth and productivity, it’s not wrong. There is no one way to do this, and I thank God for that. I love you, and as always, keep conquering!