Moving On

“The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.” Job 17:9

One of the hardest things to grieve is the thing we thought would last forever: relationships. Whether it’s with a family member, a childhood friend, or who you thought would be the love of your life mourning this loss is hard. But sometimes, depending on the circumstances of the loss, moving on can be harder. What if you are trying to have an amicable split and you’re still very much in each other’s lives, just differently. Maybe it’s a cousin who you just don’t trust any longer and you’ll see them every year sitting across from you at the Christmas dinner table. Or you’re in the same circle of friends and decided you won’t make anyone choose to be friends with either of you even though you won’t be friends with each other any longer. And then maybe you have a professional relationship with an ex and you need to keep things cordial for the sake of business. Then you find yourself ready to entertain new people or ideas and the person you loved now has a front row seat to viewing you move on without them. Depending on how you feel about the lost love… that might make you feel a little Guilty. And when those feelings of Guilt wash over you as you’re moving out of your Grief state, I have some words to affirm you on your journey.

Affirmation 1: You have a right to keep moving forward. No matter how things turned out with the situation from the past, you have every bit of right not to sit and dwell in/on it. Your happiness cannot be determined by a story that has run its course. Open the next book and continue the journey. Even if it was your fault, make amends and continue to press forward.

Affirmation 2: Moving forward isn’t messy. The act of moving on from the past isn’t vindictive or mean or petty. Only the way you move on can be that way. The bible tells us “the righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger.” (Job 17:9) Basically, if you keep your hands clean of mess as you move forward, no one can fault you for doing so. Keep your forward progress above bar and you’ll be happier for it.

Affirmation 3: It’s not your fault if they cannot continue to watch. We all know how hard it is to let go of a failed dream. And sometimes we hold on too tightly to the people who were supposed to be a part of that previous dream. But I guarantee you, if you hold on too tightly to someone who needs to walk away, you’re only going to force them to be miserable and yourself as well, because they will start to lash out in an attempt to escape. Sometimes they aren’t emotionally aware enough to recognize that this is what they are doing, but it is. Every hurtful word, stray look of envy, missed event is a reflection of how they are processing the loss from their end. Be ok with letting them go. You never know, it might be temporary for them to go and do some reflecting and work somethings out with a therapist so they can come back and be a better friend.

So, my dears, remember to enjoy moving on when it’s time to do so. Don’t punish yourself to spare someone else’s feelings, that’s not fair to you. Remember that you have a right to progress in happiness, the act itself isn’t messy, and it’s not your fault if the other person can’t sit front row for your growth. Take these nuggets and I wish you well on your journey. Keep conquering daily.