“… So Absalom went to Hebron. But while he was there, he sent secret messengers to all the tribes of Israel to stir up a rebellion against the king… He took 200 men from Jerusalem with him as guests, but they knew nothing of his intentions… Soon many others also joined Absalom, and the conspiracy gained momentum.” 2 Samuel 15: 9-12
Let’s visualize. Picture two children, younger than 5 playing in a classroom. Things are going well during this playtime… until it wasn’t. If you’ve ever spent time with little children you know that this is just the way it goes. They are so fickle with their emotions because they are still learning how to regulate, understand and express them. Well, because things are no longer harmonious, as the adult in the room, you decide to shift things to bring peace. You take the toy ,You explain your reasoning and are firm in your decision. Neither child is happy and they both cry. You let them. After about 5 minutes the tears stop and both children go on to do other things. But while one child seems to have forgotten what happened earlier, the other has not and is continuing to act out in every situation they now enter, especially when it comes to you. They are intent on making everyone else feel as miserable as they feel.
When this situation happens with small children, we tend to brush it off and expect that they will eventually get past it. Usually, you’re right. We accept this lack of emotion regulation and let them learn from it. But what about when we see this in adults? Now it’s not ok. Why? Because we expect more from those with more age and life experience. There’s nothing wrong with that expectation. But all adults are is big kids. We’re still humans with human emotions and human experiences, and vengeance is a natural and a nurtured experience… and it stings especially hard when it’s done out of vengeance. Aboslam was a son of David and he went down a dangerous path of vengeance against many in his path because of the treatment he received based on his choice to murder his own brother. Granted, he murdered him because of an egregious act his brother committed, but it was not his choice to make and he went about it the wrong way. The Love he once had for so many turned to Anger and Hatred and he turned his family and his home upside down trying to get what he felt he deserved.
Some people are like this. Sometimes they have a reaction to life that is bigger than others and often destructive. How do you deal with those people when them come into your camp? If you’re just trying to do what’s right, how do you deal with them thinking you have intentionally wronged them? I have some advice and an affirmation for you.
#1- Try to be gracious. Even when they are refusing to see their side of it or to admit their wrongs, it’s important to remember that your reaction to them is your responsibility and giving them the same energy they give you more than likely won’t improve the situation. Now I’m not saying sit there and take the abuse. I’m saying you don’t have to give abuse just because you’re being abused. Be as gracious as you can.
#2- Consider their mental health… and yours. It is very possible that a person who is reacting so strongly to you may have some things going on with them that you (and they) don’t know about. It could be a serious stressor on their life causing them not to make sound decisions, or a chemical imbalance that they’ve never had diagnosed. For that reason, it can be very helpful to separate the behavior from the person and to have hope that there is help for them. Now it’s still their responsibility to get adequate help, and mental health issues is never an acceptable excuse to not do what is right, but it can help explain behaviors. And always protect your own mental health by practicing self care when you encounter these types. Limit your engagement, take time for yourself after dealing with them, and always advocate for yourself. Don’t just bear the burden of toxicity because you feel responsible for them or you’re being more considerate of them than yourself.
#3- Here’s my affirmation for you: You don’t have to sacrifice doing what’s right to protect someone else’s feelings. If you ever find yourself choosing not to speak up or do what you know needs to be done because you’re afraid of backlash from vengeful individuals, it’s time to make some serious reevaluations and consider removing people or things from your life. Nothing is worth sacrificing your morals for and you have the right to make your own choices about what those are. Protect your peace of mind and remove those kinds of people from your life.
I hope that this has blessed you in some way, and that you feel a little better about dealing with some vengeful hearts set out to betray you. Know that I’m always rooting for your success and I believe you’ll make the best choices for your life. I love you, keep conquering daily.
EMBRACING EMOTION: THE BLOG 