“Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.” 1 John 4:1
I don’t have to compromise my boundaries for opportunities.
Hey friends! I’ve missed you! Did you miss me? I hope so… only because I hope it means you’ve been eagerly awaiting my next writing. I had to take a break for some restructuring and repositioning, as I’ve moved to a new phase in my life journey and that’s actually a perfect segue into what I want to talk to you guys about today. Boundaries.
Boundaries are super important to have established in your professional life, your personal life, your relationships, even with how you treat yourself. My mom and I talk about boundaries all the time because I’m so much like her when it comes to my work ethic and I can see where she doesn’t give herself enough space sometimes. Sometimes we want things at work to go so well that we sacrifice to keep the flow moving… and those sacrifices don’t always live up to expectation. Have you done that before? Have you taken on extra tasks to “be a team player” or fixed an error to keep things moving instead of confronting someone about the mistake they made? Do you answer emails after hours or respond to texts when you’re supposed to be focused on something else just to avoid “backlash” later? Are you feeling a little something as you read this because you can relate and don’t like that you can relate? It’s ok. I hate that I can relate to this, too. Because we’ve been conditioned to keep the peace or the work flowing, even at our own detriment.
But where does that come from? A need for security. Job security. Peace security. Harmony security. We don’t like the idea of rocking the boat so much it might tip over because we’re afraid of what we might lose if we do. We even accept things as truths when they’re lies when we don’t know what the outcome might be. Am I still striking a nerve? Sorry, not sorry! We’re facing truths today, friend! The scripture that I referenced this time says “Dear friends, do not believe everyone who claims to speak by the Spirit. You must test them to see if the spirit they have comes from God. For there are many false prophets in the world.” (1 John 4:1) and I want you to think about it and what it means for your boundaries. This verse was teaching the people to be cautious. To ask questions and be clear before just diving into something or believing something. Why? Because people lie! And it’s not a learned behavior, it’s just inherent.
Can you remember the first lie you ever told? Probably not, but I bet it was when you were very, very young; when you were just learning to speak. You did something someone told you not to, and when they asked you if you did it you probably said no. Why do we do that? Self preservation! As a young person you probably heard the distress and felt the tension in the room when asked the question and decided that saying no would prevent something bad from happening. It’s why we teach that lying is bad, because we don’t just come out knowing it.
But back to the verse! People lie. And liars say whatever is going to get them the desired result, in spite of the perceived consequences. They are in it for themselves. So why do we let liars (false prophets) get so close to us? We should want to distance ourselves from the potential heartache of those consequences, right? Not when you’re worried about Security. A lack of security is so damaging to our mental health. It’s a human right that looks different depending on the person, but no matter how it looks it makes us feel like we can function and when we doubt security, we lose the ability to function. What does that have to do with liars? We often will allow lies to infiltrate our safe spaces unchecked because we’re afraid the truth is going to affect our mental status quo. We tell ourselves that people have integrity, that’s a really dumb thing to lie about, that nobody would go that far, and (in my opinion the worst one) they wouldn’t lie to me. For some of us, believing that people are capable of the worst would shatter the image we have of the world and that can be down right depressing.
So, how do we move forward? Firstly, I want you to know that I never want to shatter your view of the world. It’s wonderful to be able to see the good in people and things. It’s important not to turn pessimistic because that is a hard existence. But I want you to reframe and carry this affirmation with you: I don’t have to compromise my boundaries for opportunities. Friend, having healthy boundaries means protecting your peace and your ability to be peaceful and you don’t have to compromise that for any kind of opportunity. Opportunities for advancement in your career, your relationships, your organizations, nothing! If something makes you uncomfortable, QUESTION IT! Stop being afraid of the can of worms that questions can open because sometimes the can needs to be open. If there’s nothing wrong then a few questions shouldn’t rattle things too much, right? And if they do then maybe more questions are needed.
My dearest friend (because I promise, you are) trust your instincts and protect your peace. And if your instincts can’t be trusted (and you know if they can’t) talk it out with someone you can trust! A good friend, a spiritual leader, a mentor, a therapist (you know I’m going to always advocate for therapy!) can help you reaffirm those boundaries and move through life safely. I love you and as always, I’m rooting for you! Keep conquering daily!
EMBRACING EMOTION: THE BLOG 